(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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newspaper

Cynical Quotations

Of what you see in books, believe 75%. Of newspapers, believe 25%. And of TV news, believe 10% – make that 5% if the anchorman wears a blazer.

— Unknown

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People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.

— A. J. Liebling

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Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.

— Ben Hecht

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Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

— Thomas Jefferson

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Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's St. Matthew's Passion on a ukulele.

— Bagdikian's Observation

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Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.

— Gore Vidal

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