(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

     
     

 

Word:  congress

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Cynical Definitions

n. The only whorehouse that loses money.

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n. A legislative body dedicated to defending liberty, reducing taxes, and improving the general welfare. No historical evidence of such a body exists.

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Cynical Quotations

We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can.

— Cullen Hightower

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I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.

— Will Rogers

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I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

— Victor Hugo

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It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.

— Mark Twain

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This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

— Will Rogers

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Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

— Mark Twain

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Talk is cheap ... except when Congress speaks.

— Unknown

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In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.

— John Adams

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