(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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Cynical Definitions

n. A mechanical device enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off.

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Cynical Quotations

The marvels of modern technology include the development of a soda can which, when discarded, will last forever and a $7,000 car, which, when properly cared for, will rust out in two or three years.

— Paul Harwitz

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Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.

— Mary Ellen Kelly

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An American is a man with two arms and four wheels.

— A Chinese child

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