(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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Cynical Definitions

n. Mythology collected to establish the social discipline of your neighbor.

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n. Original commerce.

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n. Man's attempt to explain God, much to God's annoyance.

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n. A theological fungus that thrives best in the dark and when fed by bullshit.

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n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, used to explain to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

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Cynical Quotations

One man's God often is another man's abomination.

— Unknown

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If money is the root of all evil, why do churches keep begging for more?

— Unknown

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Religion fails from the start, by trying to conceive of God, who by definition is inconceivable.

— Guy Smith

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My concerns with churches meddling in political affairs have nothing to do with faith based morality rubbing off on politicians. The concern is that the Churches will find themselves adopting the relative morality associated with politics.

— Kenneth Corbin

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A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accu-rate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into some-thing he can understand. [Editor: This explains prophets and their relationship to God, and the acolyte’s relationship to the prophet]

— Bertrand Russell

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With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.

— Steven Weinberg

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My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

— Christopher Morley

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The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.

— Sir Richard Francis Burton

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The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

— George Bernard Shaw

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One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.

— Robert Heinlein

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Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.

— H.L. Mencken

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People who insist that God is everywhere are usually the sames people trying to corral us into churches, mosques and synagogues.

— William Ferraiolo

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Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power.

— Eric Hoffer

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Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

— H.L. Mencken

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