lawyer
n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
n. Someone who helps you get what is coming to him.
n. A liar with a permit to practice.
n. Someone who defends your interest and takes the principal.
n. A person who extracts the truth from a situation before concealing it.
Cynical Quotations
We joke but deep-down, lawyers are not bad people. I'd have to say right around six-feet deep is when they are not so bad...
— Mark Wonsil
Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke.
— Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
The only funny thing about lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, and everyone else doesn't know that they're jokes.
— Many Lawyers
Would a kind, just and merciful God allow lawyers to live?
— Guy Smith
A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5 and ends giving $5 worth for $500.
— Benjamin H. Brewster
It has been said that we joke about those that we truly love. This is bunk, for there is no book thicker than the book of lawyer jokes.
— Guy Smith
It is possible that the percentage of honest and competent whores is higher than that of plumbers and much higher than that of lawyers.
— Robert Heinlein
One would have thought litigation superior to dueling for the purpose of settling disputes – provided that one had not met a lawyer.
— William Ferraiolo
Lawyers are always more ready to get a man into troubles than out of them.
— Oliver Goldsmith
Possession is nine points of the law. Lawyer fees and the other ninety one.
— Unknown
No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
— Jean Giraudoux
If it weren't for the lawyers we wouldn't need them.
— William Jennings Bryan
Hiring a lawyer is expensive, and so is the alternative.
— Anonymous